Carmen’s Thoughts

Hi, I'm Carmen for YourDesires... Call me @ 360.709.0100 (ask for Carmen) or E-Mail me @ ""
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Age: 26
Cup Size: 34c.24.36
Trillian: CarmenCravesYou
My [Blog]
My [Thoughts]
My [Fantasies]
Our [Extreme Sex Toy Store]
Multiple girl calls are available. For rates and billing information, click [here]
Likes: Financial domination, black mail, cum denial, tease and denial, giving and enforcing punishment, sensual domination, degrading your pathetic ass, and pushing you to your limits.
For more pictures and my full bio, click [here] (nsfw)

Carmen’s Thoughts

A poem about XXX phone sex:

I am 12 years old and home alone
I want to have sex on the phone
“No, no, no. Call back when you don’t sound like a gnome”

I have hooks, nipple clamps, whips..
and maybe a bat
“Who knew phone sex would be like that?”

You’ll bend over
And act a woman, all flirty
“Some of this talk can get quite dirty”

You’ll dress like a dog
I’ll take you for a walk
“Do you regret calling me for sex talk?”

Please mistress, I am not ready
I need some more time
“Then perhaps you called the wrong sex chat line”

I love a good laugh…all my subs know that. As a matter of fact most of them have become addicted to my laughter. I most be honest that I find it arousing that my laugh can invoke such pleasure.

I am sharing another addition of tweets about sex that made me laugh. Read them and know that I had a jolly, good time reading them myself. 😉

1. “If there’s a sock on the doorknob it’s because I am having sex with the other one”

2. “Twitter’s so dead I *almost* considered sex with my husband”

3. “Just once I would like to see an accurate sex scene. You know- him having a hard time getting her off and then giving up.”

4. “{during sex}
Him: You’re tight.
Me: Thanks, you’re pretty cool too.”

5. “Sex makes a great last minute Christmas gift.”

6. “[in the car & my wife turns up the radio]
Wife: it’s our song
Son: you & dad made a song?
Me: no, we listen to this song when we fuck”

7. “[watching a movie] *guy rips girls shirt*
wife: That’s so hot
me *rips her shirt*
wife: Did you just rip my fucking shirt?”

8. “men will literally nut 45 seconds into sex and have the audacity to ask if you came. yeah i came to the wrong house”

9. “[first glass of wine] mmm nice. let’s listen to jazz

[second glass of wine] *struggling to remove my sweatshirt* we should fuck on the roof”

10. “Pulling hair during sex is old. Take her wig off & put it on your head”

Have you every heard of a booty buffet? Probably not, because it is something a special someone and I came up with. But if you’re curious you should ask.

Let’s just say its an all you can eat kind of affair. Think you’re brave enough?

Look at my favorite little sub’s PATHETIC email to me. Cant you just feel the desperation? A Goddess needs to take a vacation every once in awhile, so try not to die my subs while I am gone.

“Hello my wonderful Goddess Carmen. i was so excited to have you use me today. i can’t believe you’re not in! this luck is ridiculous. i am so fucking aching to please you. i should be able to call saturday around the start of your shift.

your toy”

Do you know the best thing about you having small cock? Nothing.

hahaha, just kidding. Although it is pretty worthless I love that you take pleasure from me fucking other cocks. HUGE cocks. Cocks that can satisfy. You always ask me if I enjoyed fucking another guy. I always respond that it is so much better than your worthless small cock.
People who know what I do ask what it is like to phone with girl? And they
want to know what it really entails to have xxx phone sex? I try my best
to explain- but how do you describe blue to a blind person.? I need your
input my sluts- tell me what you think this is like.

To me- it’s everything. It’s sex, laughter, pleasure, denial, pushing to
limits, and satisfied sighs.
Tonight my toy called and I used him with a c&b harness, spatula, and
fleshlight. He kept begging me to cum. I told him I would flip a coin- he
called tails to come. It came out heads. I was feeling gracious so I said
best two out of three…

The best thing happened…

The second time I flipped it was heads again. I died laughing. Poor toy. I
love using him. And torturing him.
So you’re thinking about doing kegel exercises? Before getting started,
you might find it a helpful motivator to know all the benefits the
exercises might bring you.

For most guys the main reasons to do kegel exercises are to help with
ejaculation control or stronger erections. However, there can also be some
surprising extra rewards for your hard work.

Some guys do get kegels wrong and instead of reaping the benefits make
things worse for themselves. So when you decide you’re ready to try them
out, you can find accurate instructions in my guide to kegel exercises.

1. Ejaculation control
This is perhaps the most well-known benefit of doing kegels: helping guys
deal with premature ejaculation. Training the PC and BC muscles can help
by enhancing your ability to hold back from ejaculating just before the
point of no return.

When you find yourself reaching that point during sex, you can squeeze the
BC and PC muscles to prevent yourself from climaxing. So in some ways it
can be seen as a last line of defense. This then buys you time to rest,
change positions or take whatever action you need to delay your orgasm
before continuing to have sex.

6 Surprising Benefits Of Kegel Exercises For Men
Last updated on: August 9, 2016Ethan Green34 Comments
So you’re thinking about doing kegel exercises? Before getting started,
you might find it a helpful motivator to know all the benefits the
exercises might bring you.

For most guys the main reasons to do kegel exercises are to help with
ejaculation control or stronger erections. However, there can also be some
surprising extra rewards for your hard work.

Some guys do get kegels wrong and instead of reaping the benefits make
things worse for themselves. So when you decide you’re ready to try them
out, you can find accurate instructions in my guide to kegel exercises.

1. Ejaculation control
This is perhaps the most well-known benefit of doing kegels: helping guys
deal with premature ejaculation. Training the PC and BC muscles can help
by enhancing your ability to hold back from ejaculating just before the
point of no return.

When you find yourself reaching that point during sex, you can squeeze the
BC and PC muscles to prevent yourself from climaxing. So in some ways it
can be seen as a last line of defense. This then buys you time to rest,
change positions or take whatever action you need to delay your orgasm
before continuing to have sex.

2. Learning to relax the right muscles during sex
Doing kegels can sometimes make things worse for men when they have sex.
This is usually because they think they should be doing kegels constantly
while having sex, but this actually leads to quicker climax.

The problem is, men often don’t realise that the kegels they do in
training should only be used just before they orgasm. Up until that point,
they should do the opposite and try to keep the pelvic floor muscles

It’s becoming more widely known that you’ll last longer if you relax the
pelvic floor muscles while having sex. Use normal Kegels only as a last
defense, and you’ll find you have 2 different ways to control ejaculation.

One of the ways to learn to keep the pelvic floor relaxed is by doing
contrary exercises. For more on this, have a look at my article discussing
how to do reverse kegels.

3. Improving erection strength and size
Doing kegels actively pumps more blood into the penis. This can then have
the following effects on your erection:

You may find you have a bigger erection.
You may have a harder erection.
You might be able to get it up easier by actively pumping blood into it.
This can be particularly useful for men who find they lose an erection
when trying to put a condom on. It may also help men who suffer from
erectile dysfunction.
You may also be able to keep your erection for longer, perhaps even
reaching the fabled level of male multiple orgasms.

4. Improve the force of ejaculation
Some men have found that they have a larger volume of ejaculation after
developing their pelvic floor muscles.
Some men find one of the surprising benefits is that they can ejaculate
further. It doesn’t exactly serve a practical purpose, but fun nonetheless
and good for the ego.

5. More intense orgasms
Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles can result in you having more
powerful orgasms.
If you can stop yourself ejaculating but still orgasm, you may be able to
have male multiple orgasms during sex.

6. Help with incontinence and leaks
One of the kegel exercise benefits not related to sex, but still very
useful for some men is that it can help with incontinence. This is because
you use the same muscles for kegels as you do when trying to hold in

Some men may dribble after they finish urinating. Others may leak when
they laugh, sneeze or strain themselves. Strengthening the right muscles
through kegels can help prevent this from happening.
Need a sensual massage!! Any takers?

1) Setting the mood

Setting the mood is one of the most important steps in a sensual massage.
The massage is meant to be sensual! You need her to feel as comfortable as

First, dim the lights and light a few candles. This provides a nice
romatic ambiance. Next, prepare your place for a massage. Find a good firm
surface for her to lie down (your bed, a beach towel, on the floor or even
on a table. (This is assuming you don’t have a professional massage
table.)) If you are giving her a simple hand or scalp massage, a chair
will do just fine.

2) Music

Music is a vital part of setting the right mood. Please, no AC/DC,
Metallica or Marilyn Manson. Ambient sounds or something like “Liquid
Mind” will do just fine.

Make sure you know what your goal is; either to make her relaxed & ready
for sex or to put her to sleep. If a romantic massage is an appetizer
before the main course, then choose something sexy like soul music or if
its for relaxation then go for soft and slow blues, or even nature sounds
such as running water or the sounds of the rain forest.

3) The oil

Oil is your main ingredient. Its as important as a mechanics wrench.

The list of appropriate oils you can use is long. Hemp, Jojoba, Hazelnut,
Apricot Kernel, Argan, Avocado, Safflower, Rosehip Seed, Walnut, Camelia,
Coconut, Macadamia Nut, Marula, Almond, Moringa, Grapeseed, Sunflower,
Sesame, Mustard, Borage oil or mixed oils are all good choices. Experiment
with a few and find what you like.

You can find all these and more at the health food store. Also, spa shops
and skin care stores have a big variety of blended massage oils containing
two or more oils. These can be very appealing. Or just purchase some
online from the link here.

Almond oil is one of the most popular and my personal favorite as a woman.
It is slightly oily, but allows your hands to slide smoothly. Plus, it
doesn’t get absorbed too easily so you won’t need to keep reapplying it.

**Make sure to buy organic oil in small quantities and store them in a
cool area.
Now that you have all the ingredients to a great sensual massage its time
to learn the various techniques.

The part of the body you are going to play with and the length of the play
depend on your relationship with the woman. If it is a date number ten –
give her a present of a full body massage. Nothing says romance like the
gift of relaxation.

If it’s a one-night stand and you are feeling a bit shy in the beginning –
massage her hand to relax and enjoy the beginning of skin-to-skin contact.
Let the foreplay begin!

Here’s a few sensual massage techniques that will make you seem like a
master of the craft. (you can practice them on your body, for example, on
your thigh)

1) Shiatsu

how to give a sensual massage – shiatsu techniqueShiatsu is the main
massage technique used in Japan and it is pretty easy to learn. If you
have ever gotten a nice back massage and felt someone rubbing out your
knots with their thumbs then you have had the shiatsu style treatment.

Just lay your hands or fingers on a certain spot while applying some
pressure and rotate slowly. Try to find some knots in her upper back and
loosen them up, but not too hard to the point that she is in pain.

If you are really experienced, you can use your elbow on places that
really could use the pressure. But for now lets leave that to the pro’s.

2) Compression

Compression is another common technique used in massage. Basically you
just press down on one area, increasing blood flow and loosening the
muscle. This is a good move to do before partaking in a deeper massage
such as shiatsu, just to warm things up and get the blood flowing. This is
also great on the buttocks, where you can place one hand on top of the
other and rotate slowly.

3) Stroking

The stroking technique is essentially long gentle movements with your
hands along a portion of her body.

Read Are You Working out for the Right Reasons? (We doubt it)
Keep your fingers together, thumbs parallel and palms in full contact with
the body part you are massaging. This is extremely pleasing on all areas
of the body. It’ll make her toes curl with pleasure.

3) Friction

Friction is an advanced technique, but is perfect for using on her hands
and feet.

The friction technique rarely requires the use of oils, which is why you
build up so much friction between your hand and her body. It is a focused
stroke, which is used in some really small area with a certain amount of
stability and pressure. Honestly, its better leave this move for
professionals. But if you do it – be gentle.

4) Kneading

The kneading massage is great for getting deep into muscles and is perfect
for her buttocks or any other fleshy areas. If you are doing it very
gently you can do it anywhere. But don’t do it on her belly, especially if
hers is not that flat. She can feel uncomfortable and fat.

Kneading is similar to the way a baker kneads bread. Have you ever made
bread in before? Its really very simple. The way you do the kneading
massage is by grasping and lifting the tissue (not too high!). First the
palms press down on muscle tissue, then you push your fingers together and
then then you move upward in a lifting motion.

All of these massage moves go great together. For example: Apply Shiatsu
to her shoulders, then use a little bit of oil and stroke the back, knead
the buttocks, stroke the thighs and calves and finish off with a gentle
friction on the soles of her feet. When you’re done, she will be purring
like a cat.
So now you have the perfect setup for giving your sensual massage. You’ve
set the perfect mood, you have the best oil, and your techniques are spot
on. Your ready to give the perfect sensual massage and have her graciously
returning the favor.

Here’s a look a few popular sensual massage moves you can do tonight to
get her in the mood.

1) Head massage (no oil needed)

A head massage can be extremely relaxing. Plus they are perfect for a girl
who you have not yet been intimate with, and who may be a little hesitant
to letting you touch her sensitive areas.

Have her lie down on her stomach with her head on a pillow. If she is
uncomfortable without a massage table she can turn her head to one side
and change its position from time to time. Also, if its easier for you,
you can give a head massage if she is in any comfortable seated position.

Start by rubbing her temples and forehead. Then, run fingers through her
hair and apply gentle downward pressure. Massage the entire scalp in this
manner for as long as you wish, and then kiss her ears (sensitive
erogenous zone) at the end.

2) Back, shoulder and neck massage

Back, shoulder and neck massage is what you think of right away when you
hear the word massage. And for good reason. This is one of the most
relaxing massages to receive and can quickly turn into a sensual evening.

For this, the woman has to be face down and her back must be bare. Get a
moderate amount of oil, warm it in your hands and apply to her upper body.
Start with long strokes on her back, up and down. Then start to do some
Shiatsu and kneading to the shoulders, while every once in a while
progressing to gently stroke the neck.

The bonus of this sensual rubdown is that eventually you will make your
way down to the buttocks, which we will cover in number 3.

3) Buttocks massage

The buttocks are a highly erotic area meant to be spoiled with your new
moves. This is a very sensual massage that is perfect for a romantic
foreplay. Just make sure she is game before you start.

Place your palms on her erotic mounds and massage in circular movements.
Increase the pressure gradually as you cover every area. Next, place your
hands on her right buttock and use the kneading technique. Remember,
create a roll of skin using your thumbs and push it up. Repeat on the left
side. She may just enjoy this as much as you.

4) Leg massage

She will be pleased if you stroke her thighs and calves, knead them
lightly and caress them using your fingertips. Make sure not to put too
much pressure on the knee pits while you use your thumbs to gently massage
the area around the kneecap. For a leg massage, it is best to have her lie
on her back.

5) Foot massage

The feet are a very special part of the body. They are literally a sensual
map of all the body, reflecting different organs and even personality.

Have her lie down on her back. Do not press too much in any small areas
because you can make her have diarrhea for a week (trust me, its

Start from the heel and go up. Be gentle, but not too soft – press a
little and work with your thumbs.

6) Hand massage

Hand massage is very similar to the foot massage. Hands, like feet, are
the map of the body. Start close to the wrist and go up. Massage every
area of her hand with your thumbs and finish off by gently playing with
her fingertips. She’ll enjoy this.

7) Chest massage

A chest or breast massage is a prelude to sex. If you are massaging other
parts of her body, chest should be the last. If you start with it you will
make her very anxious and ready for love games and then what? Relaxing
foot massage? It’s like eating dessert first and after it chewing a steak.

The trick with chest-breast massage is to slowly build up the desire and
finish off with the nipples. It is very important to read her body
language – look at her face and listen to her. Don’t worry, she will tell
you how hard you can be.

Start softly and gently and slowly build more pressure. Remember to caress
every area of the breast as they have essential erogenous zones all over
them. Be more aggressive if she sounds encouraging, rub the breasts, bring
them together, squeeze gently and finish off with the nipples.

I don’t have to tell you what comes next.

8) Putting it all together – Full body rubdown

So now you are a master at every area of her beautiful body. The key is to
be able progress this into a full body, head-to-toe rubdown, including all
the body parts. Not only is this highly satisfying for her, but it is the
greatest visual for a man.

Before we start the breakdown, first begin the massage by applying the oil
to your hands and not to her body. You can always add more oil, but its
hard to get too much off. You can start her on her back or stomach, but
don’t forget to take care of her arms and legs. They are often overlooked.

Don’t be afraid to mount your partner, it only amplifies the sexuality.
Her back massage is perfect, you don’t have to be an expert, just make
sure to cover all areas. e most tense, so many find it good to focus a lot
of attention on this area.
Do you know what my favorite color is? Pink. Something about silky pink
panties, or a soft pink robe turn me on. Or perhaps a beautiful pink
lipstick- I love seeing women wearing that color…makes me want to kiss
their soft lips. And then there are beautiful pink pissy lips…I can
never deny those my attention.

If you think about- so many of the beautiful things out there are pink. 😉
Things some Masters love to hear:

Here’s some of the stuff my Slave says to me:

“Punish me.”

“Fuck me hard.”

“Tear me apart.”

“I need your cock.”

“Do what you want.”

“I’m a dirty whore.”

“Please, Master, Give it to me.”

“I am yours.”

“I want what you want.”

“Use me.”

“How can I please you?”
More rules for being a good little slut:

my head must be bowed down in the presence of my Master.

my eyes must be cast down in the presence of my Master.

i must always wear revealing clothing for my Master unless given
permission to do so otherwise. The clothing i wear will allow easy access
to my cunt, ass and breasts. The clothing will emphasize and often
exaggerate my assets. i will wear such clothing in any kind of weather.

When others show an interest in what i am wearing i must ask them if they
would like to see more and then gladly show them what they would like to
see but only after i have received permission from my Master – for i trust
my Master’s judgement that such a display is not only reasonable but is
safe to do.

i must remove all of my clothing in the way i have been taught when Master
commands of me to do so – regardless of who may be present and despite
where it is i am – i trust my Master.
Rule to please a Dom:

i will serve, obey and please my Master.

Above all else my only desire is to please my Master.

i worship my Master.

i worship my Master’s body.

The power of my Master fills me with awe.

To receive pleasure i must earn it.

i worship my Master’s whip.

i trust my Master.

i am nothing more than an object of great value – an instrument to be used
by my Master for his pleasures.

i will ask my Master for permission to satisfy whatever need i have before
acting on it.

my body and mind is the property of my Master.

i must always give thanks to my Master for all i am given immediately
after receiving what He gives me.

i must be specific in my speech.

i will not hesitate when responding to my Master.
I love dressing up for a date- especially the first date. I put so much
consideration into what will look good on my breasts, what will accentuate
my slender legs and what lip colors will draw their gaze to my lips.

I love choosing the lingerie too. My typical go to is black lace- there is
something so powerful and sexy in black lace. But I have tons of pieces in
all different textures and colors.

Getting dressed for a date is like going to a candy store for me. Oh the
I’ve been seeing a lot of submissive men down on themselves lately and it
makes me so sad when submissive men don’t realize how great they are. You
are not a dime a dozen and you are not interchangeable!

The men who are interchangeable are the ones who call themselves
submissive but think women exist to make their boners happy. Those guys
are boring as shit. Men who actually care about their doms and want to
make them happy are amazing. You can never be boring when you bring your
whole self to the relationship, pay attention to your dom and put effort
into making her happy.

Even if you actually do care about women, there are just so many terrible
stereotypes out there it’s no wonder submissive men’s confidence takes a
hit. How much porn have we all seen where the dom is bored or contemptuous
of the sub? How often are men told that a real man is never vulnerable,
never hands control to someone else, never has feelings or wants to be
wanted? When you see stuff like that all day every day, of course you
start thinking that dominant women don’t actually like submissive men, or
that if there is a dom out there who actually likes submissive men, you’ll
never meet her.

Guys, awesome submissive men who are actually compatible with an
individual dom are rare and precious! Just being compatible on vanilla
levels like values, life goals, how you manage money, etc is hard enough,
finding someone who is also interested in the same kinks, the same sort of
power exchange, the same amount of protocol is fucking miraculous.
Non-kinky people search for the right partner for years and we all know
that’s normal, so why would we think it would be easier to find the right
kinky partner when kink makes things so much more complicated? You are not
a failure or unlovable if you don’t find the right dom instantly, some
people look for decades.

And they’re hot like burning too Submissive men definitely do not get
appreciated enough for how hot they are. In my case, I have trouble
putting how much I like submissive men into words. To use a really
terrible (and dorky) metaphor, it’s like trying to explain why I like
avocados so much. I like avocados because they’re delicious and I like
submissive men because they’re awesome. I mean, people who like making me
happy? And like being all helpless and biteable? And make great noises
when I hit them with stuff? What’s not awesome about all of that?

Submissive men are awesome and anyone who thinks otherwise can fuck right
I think it is time we learn the difference between a smart ass masochist
and a brat. Some people intertwine them, yet I think there is a fine line

brat: A “bratty” submissive has a reputation for talking back, being
disrespectful or mildly disobedient. On the surface, this is a negative
quality in a submissive; however, a certain amount of “brattiness” is
enjoyed by some Dominants, and may in fact be a large component of a power
exchange relationship.

smart-ass masochist (SAM); smart-ass subbie: submissive who exhibits bad
behavior (such as sarcasm, talking back, or disobedience), either because
her Dom enjoys it or to get attention.
There are certain aspects that will make you a good submissive in the eyes
of those who know exactly what makes this so. Here are a few of them.

sexual submissive bdsm sexGIVE THE GIFT OF SUBMISSION WITH FULL
UNDERSTANDING: If you truly want to be a “good” submissive then you have
to understand that what you are granting the Dominant is a true gift and
this must be given with a full understanding of what this entails. You
are putting your trust into this other person, allowing yourself to be
vulnerable in many ways that you have not been previously. You cannot
“fake” submission – and if you try you will not find fulfillment. If you
are unsure in any way that you want to give this gift, then do not do it.

BE HONEST: While the true goal of a submissive is to give pleasure to
their Dominant, you cannot give true pleasure unless you are honest
regarding the activities that you wish to engage in. You have to be
completely honest about your expectations, fears, and apprehensions and
about what you would definitely NOT like to do or participate in. If, for
example, anal sex is something that causes you great fear, do not allow
that to happen until YOU feel that it is something you wish to do. Make
it a hard limit for yourself so that you feel you have some control over
that. [s]ubmission is not about losing ALL control all the time – it is
about freely relinquishing control under a set of certain parameters.

USE YOUR SAFE WORD: ALL Dom / sub pairings NEED to have a safe word. A
safe word is a word or phrase outside of “normal” language that signifies
when play should STOP immediately. This word is a safeguard for the
submissive to be able to be released from anything that is making her /him
uncomfortable, scared or causing pain which is unwanted. If you want to
use your safe word and do not – then it can cause issues with future play.
If you are engaging in something that you wish to stop – then use the
safe word! Good sub-missives do not ignore the safe word, they use it when
they need to. This builds trust between the Dominant and the submissive.

BE RESPECTFUL: [s]ubmission is about a dynamic in which one person is in
a sort of “Master” or, in remedial terms, “boss” type roll. A submissive
is to respect Him / Her. If you want to truly be a good submissive
partner, then you will be respectful of the Dominant. You will not play
games or “pretend” to submit, you will actually give them the respect they
deserve as your Dominant. This can take on many different forms – but the
basic gist is there. Use language which is respectful, use the title you
agree upon – “Master” or “Sir” or another term.

DO AS TOLD – SUBMIT: It may seem obvious, but if you want to be a proper
submissive, you will do as told. This means that in your agreed upon
dynamic, within the confines of the actions you have stated you will
participate in, you DO AS TOLD. Your Dominant asks you to spread your
legs – you do it. Your Dominant asks you to hold an orgasm – you do it.
It is quite simple, really, you DO AS TOLD. [s]ubmission is about

CARE FOR YOUR DOMINANT: The truth is, if you submit yourself to your
Dominant and you truly do not care for him, it will not be as great of a
gift as it could be. The best Dom / sub pairings are between persons who
legitimately care and love each other. Care about their needs, wants,
desires IN and OUT of the bedroom. Try to bring them happiness in ways
that are not related directly to your submission. Show Him / Her that you
really care about them. This will make the act of submission much more
emotional and better overall.

GO BEYOND SEX: A true submissive heart is such even outside of the sexual
realm. While I spend a great deal of time analyzing the sexual nature of
submission, a true submissive partner will be kind, loving, generous,
caring outside of the bedroom. This does NOT mean that you become a slave
for the Dominant, serving 24/7 (although, some relationships are like
this). It simply means that if you care about your Dominant’s opinions,
thoughts, needs and desires in a general way, it will make you the very
best submissive. True submission is not role playing – it is a way of
thinking, acting and being. It gives you the most wonderful reward when
you, yourself, submit to it. If you take a bit of that submissive heart
and place it into “real” life – you will be the very best submissive, and
one the Dominant will cherish.
So you love nothing more than being bent over and spanked senseless on a
Sunday afternoon. More power to you! You’ve identified your kink and
you’re sticking with it – but wait!

There’s more to being a good sub than letting someone do whatever they
want with you. Submissives are strong in their willingness to give
themselves up and hand their safety and wellbeing wholly over to another
for a certain amount of time. They possess as much power as their Dom –
and with this power comes responsibility.

A great sub learns to exercise their power in a way that befits the role.
That is, they learn the true strength in being a sub.

This comes first in the choosing; a great sub won’t play with those who
seek to belittle or undermine; they will only play with Doms that have
shown themselves to be worthwhile partners. They will always safeguard
their own health and wellbeing and won’t be chided into unsafe situations.
They will choose play partners that compliment and challenge their own
roles, allowing them to grow beautifully in their own BDSM experience.
It’s easy to think that it’s only the Dom that is responsible for the well
being of those involved in a scene. It’s not; everyone involved has an
equal role. A Dom should be someone that you respect and aspire to, and
someone that can be in control of a situation no matter how intense it
gets, but as the submissive, you also play an important role in ensuring
everyone’s safety and enjoyment.

You should make sure that your Dom is aware of your physical and mental
state at any time. If you have certain triggers, or physical
vulnerabilities, or if you have boundaries that should not be pushed under
any circumstances, you should make this clear.

A good submissive takes care of their own mental stability. You should not
become a submissive because you are waiting for someone to save you – nor
because you want to allow a Dom to save themselves through using you. Real
life is not like 50 Shades of Grey. BDSM is a mutually beneficial
experience that should be comforting, fun and thrilling – orgasmic, in
fact. If it’s something you enter into with reservations, then you
shouldn’t be there at all.

There are endless resources for submissives to teach themselves about the
role, with my books being a great place to start. If you’re a total
beginner, try How To Be Kinky, but if you’ve been in the kink world a long
while, then why not take a workshop? You’ll learn things that will help
you to express yourself and grow as a sub and as a generally better

Now, with all that said….bend over.
Women undoubtedly worry about different things to men and sex is no
different. We want you to tell us if something feels good, and praise how
we look and feel.

Take your time over foreplay and learn what works for your partner.
Communication in the bedroom is paramount; don’t assume it’s all perfect
just because we haven’t complained or demanded something.

You need to ask and talk to us about what we like. You can do this before,
during or after sex. There’s no rule about the best time to talk to us
about sex. And you might start something amazing if you develop an open
communication about sex between you.

Who knows, you may discover that both of you have been harboring identical
secret fantasies. If you don’t talk about it, you’ll never know!

Oh, and one final tip … although communication is important never ever ask
us if we’ve come yet. If you need to ask then it hasn’t happened. Not only
does this make it evident that you aren’t paying attention, it piles on
the pressure to get there, and there’s no passion killer worse than that.

If this all seems like hard work then bear in mind that the more attention
you give to your partner, the more she is going to want to have sex with
you, and surely that makes up for the extra attention you might need to
start paying.
When it comes to feeling confident in the bedroom, we really need to be
told how great we look, feel, smell and anything else you can think of.

Being naked and having all those bumps and lumps exposed can make us feel
self-conscious and stop us from enjoying sex.

There are so many outside pressures to look great that women carry that
‘body perfect’ pressure into the bedroom. You can blame movies and
super-models for any inhibitions we have. We need you to counteract our
critical opinions of our own bodies and reassure us that we look good.

Earlier I mentioned that foreplay begins way before any touching, so just
keep in mind that if we catch you drooling over perfectly airbrushed women
in men’s magazines, we’ll feel that we can’t live up to those

If you can’t prevent yourself from drooling over those perfect women, then
at least tell us they aren’t a patch on us – we won’t believe you, but
secretly we’ll feel good, and therefore we’ll want more sex with you.
Let’s move on to the female anatomy. This isn’t a science lesson, but if
you don’t know what’s what on the female body and where it’s located, then
we’re going to be disappointed with you.

If you want to know how to satisfy a woman in bed properly, you need to
know exactly where to focus your attention. We want and expect men to be
educated in this respect.

Unless you’ve been living in a monastery all your life, I shouldn’t need
to tell you that women usually need clitoral stimulation to climax, and
the clitoris isn’t located inside the vagina!

Yes, penetrative sex feels good, but it won’t get us there like it will
for a man. A girl needs clitoral stimulation, so don’t be afraid to use
your hands or give your lady oral sex.

It can also come from shifting positions and incorporating different
moves. For example, the figure of eight with your hips – just ask your
partner what feels good, and keep doing it.

Keep in mind that you shouldn’t shift positions too often; women need to
take their time over a build up of sensations. It’s fine to experiment and
change positions at first, but if you find a position that’s stimulating
her in all the right ways, then keep doing exactly the same thing.

Don’t rob her of the build-up to an orgasm just because you think you’ve
been in the same position for too long. This really is key to satisfying a
woman in bed – don’t make her think you’re going to give her an orgasm and
then take it all away!

More of Carmen’s Thoughts…